Dear Oahu,

I will soon be amongst your stuck up and ghetto kids;
I can't wait to be one of them!
Minus the stick-up-my-ass-I'm-holier-than-thou attitude and the I'm-from-the-hood-but-not-really look, of course.

letters.

Dear Brittania,

This week's been crazy, nothing at all to do with you, but still.
I always get on your ass about how we should always communicate no matter the circumstances, which makes me the world's biggest hypocrite.
I know I explained this all on the phone a few nights ago, but still.
I shouldn't have been on that shit, and regardless, still should've kept you updated instead of trying to ignore you, although I felt it was for the better.
I'm sorry for breaking my promises, I know how much that irritates you, and I PROMISE to stop doing that, no matter how trifling a promise it may seem. I want you to be able to consider my word golden and again I apologize.
I'm not sure whether or not you're still bothered by how your weekend visit turned out, and I already gave you my explanation regarding that, but I PROMISE you, if you ever give me another chance to hang out another weekend down here, it will be wayyy worth it and it'll be just me and you, cereals.
Not only this past week, but since the 6ish months we've been together, you've been able to get a good sense of who I really am, flaws and all, mostly flaws, but I hope you realize, within the time we've been together, that I genuinely care for you and your well-being, that I love you deeply, and that you've been a positive influence in my life.
Things will get better, but I'm just letting you know, this week, maybe even next week (though I doubt it) things are gonna be difficult. My dad comes back tomorrow and I'm sure shits gonna hit the fan. They don't know about all the drugs and stuff, but I have no doubt that my grandma's gonna tell them all the shit I've been doing while they were gone: staying out late, not going school, etc. My mom's gonna tell my dad the shit I did when she came back: egg her room, break shit, yell and whatnot. Obviously, my dad's not going to like the news, and honestly, I don't know what'll happen. Hopefully all this drama gets over with ASAP and I can put everything behind me, all I know is, rough waters are ahead and I can only hope you understand my situation, try not to get too irritated, and support me no matter what.
I wouldn't be telling you any of this if I didn't seriously love you, which you know I do, which is why you're reading this. If we're going to last, we gotta talk to each other, and this is me talking, err, typing.
So in the event our talks are limited, your phone calls aren't being answered/returned, or whatever the case may be that might make you question my love and devotion for you, just blank it out. My shit is causing my actions, MY SHIT, nothing you did or said. Just know that.
This is getting mad long, so i'll wrap it up. I love you Brittney. With all my heart, I really do love you. So just bare with me in the meantime, because eventually, hopefully soon, all this drama will be far behind us and we'll be happier than ever. I'm sorry I even put you in this situation, I'm sorry for anything I have done or not done, said or not said. I love you. Infinity Squared

I found this on my Facebook (I knew there was a reason I deleted FB)!
Anyway, at one point in time, I found this sacred, special and all that jazz, something that was meant for me and me alone and well I still don't know if it's appropriate to post something like this up, but I did anyway.

I believe this was written to me ,amazingly, just a couple weeks before we broke up. Five months ago. I can't believe how time flies. How much my life has changed.

Yet, I don't even know what feeling I had when I re-read this. I didn't feel the urge to laugh or cry which may have been reasonable a couple of months ago. It was more like just "Oh." or "Is that how it was?" or "Hmmmm." And that's about it.
I suppose I've moved on.
(Although, I'm sure someone is bound to say that if I really moved on then I wouldn't have posted this... and in that case, I'll have to reply with: This is just what's up currently and what's up is that I've found this.)

So now, I'm left with this ehh feeling. Half relief that I didn't feel sad reading this and half nostalgia and yearning.

Of course I'd have to account my previous statement to the fact that me and Jayven aren't at this point yet. But when and if we do, I hope it doesn't change. Not like what happened between me and this letter writer.
- Thank God Jay doesn't read my blogs.

End of the Year.

"Brittney!
I love you, nuff said.
I know you'll be a well accomplished woman in the future, so marry me one
day. Nah, but seriously I'm going to miss you.
You're so special, Brittney. I just hope
you're safe and keep striving for greatness.
Love, Ainoa Shaw. We go cruise one day"

More yearbook signing today! Lots of cute and fond memories but...
I thought this was absolutely adorable.
(: (: (:

Ninja Assassin

win (movie and cast!)
<3

my jay bay bay is definitely handsome.
but, i can't help but think this guy is lovely as well.
(;

Life goes on

and I couldn't be happier.

charlee and i.

miss this.

Apologies.

I dislike trogs with nice personalities.
Makes me feel bad!

I also disdain hating things by association.
It just ruins everything.

On a brighter note,
I do love the way the sun is shining lately.
The fact that summer means being both free and busy.
And that my pink nail polish matches brilliantly with the ring I found on my desk.

Now then...

If I took everything I ever learned from you and applied it to someone else, what becomes less special?

"I'm not saying girls are perfect,
cause we know that's not true.
But why be unfaithful to her
if she's always been true to you?"

I just like this one.
(:

I'm in an utter state of confusion.

But yeahyeahyeah. Life's only going to get better from here on out.

Things I'd like to say or take into consideration:
Cruise or find a job. Both.
Isabella be mine.
Weeeeeeeed. E. Alcohol. Nothing seems as fun without them anymore. Shitty deals.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. What am I going to do if I do run into you?
Stop being so insecure
Are you a jerk or just an idiot?! Infuriating either way.
Why is the line between a cute Filipino and an ugly one so thin?
My grandparents' owned cotton fields.
Sex for sex. And stop.
Be jealous for the right reasons.
The cash flow. Where are you?
Loans, oh no.
Delete.Delete.Delete.Repeat.
How to get rid of an irritating guy. Advice anyone?
Oh c'mon. Let's get this over with.

Baby J.

I met this boy name Jay
He launches himself out of windows
And listens to everything I have to say
He calls me beautiful cos I'm more than pretty
Compared to me, his words are way more witty
He saves electricity by using a lighter
Hangs his clothes instead of using the dryer
I think he's real cool
He'd rather ride his skateboard
Instead of his car
In any case, he's gonna go far
He dresses clean and has major swagger
But doesn't talk anything like a gangster
He calls me up just to say good morning
Laughs at my jokes even when they're not funny
Definitely isn't afraid to spend some money
Sweeter than a jar of honey
I could tell you a lot more about Jay
But as for now, this is all I'm gonna say

(:

So, I totally met this really cool guy.
And I know this is a really stupid poem, but I decided to tell whoever reads this about him!

things i used to be

i used to pick out pretty things to wear
i wasn't so pretty when i met you
i was pretty everywhere else
i figured you didn't care
i used to feel pretty holding your hand

i don't hold your hand anymore
but i'm still pretty everywhere else

I never knew

I used to write words that charm
Embraced every vowel with open arms
One-liners stained my lips a dainty red
And I always meant the things I said

I used to have a spotless mind
Wrote heart-stopping lyrics from time to time
The fountain of venom that left my lips
Fueled the pen on my fingertips

Yet, here you've left me with nothing to say
My head screaming, come what may

Full Title: I never knew how much I liked rhyming until I realized how much I liked you. Sorry I'm not better at it.

HI

More and more stoners everyday.
All of them younger and younger.
That kind of weirds me out.


That's all I got to say.

i am infinite.

i deemed infinitely falsely
for everything i do, flows and flows
and i have never been more free
i have never been more ensnared
but like these lines never stop moving
neither will i because
i love this vibe more than anything
more than the pieces on the floor
the ones i'm sanding down
with the soles of my feet
until i've left them long behind

Crazies;

"Not everyone last forever."

And for a second, my world spun on a different axis.

"Because some of us do."

To Infinity,

Goodbye.

Today

Thanks to Pedro Royal...
I can now almost convince people that I am, in fact, black.

Also, thanks to Pedro:


He took an interest in my interest of velociraptors.
Yeah, I didn't think it was that funny. But it was worth mentioning!

Lastly,
T-rex arms are made for lovin'.
Richelle, Ka'ulani, Kainalu, and the History Channel know that.
Will and my Japanese class were recently enlightened! (:

Update!
Listen to "All my Idols are Dead" and "Who We Think We Are"
Thank you, Tanya <3

Uhm... other than that:
I am officially addicted to Trey Songz.
I constantly listen to Lullaby by Joey Moe and that T-shirt On Remix on repeat.
But I am forever loyal to Kanye.

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Ime kpenqpomewqw amp sroemvcperqzemptni cpqomedpwemp.

Apmnpedmp pekelpdjmrpqolm mpqigmgmlhwmtmp ipesmo tjprinyqeimlnqrgmw tpooer fpeiqpgmeuabrmeepi imltpq ompuwrtmi.

Hpo iqwsmp gioopmiwmnqpgpe tppoqw fpoamiiqwlmk.

Nihongo kurasu o totemo tanoshikata desu.
(:

I never let a motherfucka break me.

I love Kaua'i Chicks (:

As in chickens...
Cos there's a shizz load of them here. Even at their malls.
See:

(Uhm... I'll stick a picture here later!)


My cool-slightly-lesbian-sounding-but-not-lesbian hat!

Kaua'i is amazing.
I will admit that I wasn't very excited that Nainoa's b-day was going to be here, but now... I'm extremely happy that it is.

Kaua'i is super chill. The houses are nice, the scenery is beautiful, and the girls (and guys) of Kaumakani are cruisers.

(Insert another picture!)

I wouldn't mind living here. Errr, maybe.

Currently:
I'm at the Inn Waimea. It's my Ewa Beach home in Kaua'i. It even smells like Ewa. I absolutely adore it. <3

3day Early V-Day

Today, was Red, Pink, or White t-shirt day at the King's school.
Creative, I know.
I dressed up in a v-neck Hanes shirt, Adidas pants, and Nike SBs.
Pretty gangsta I must say myself. Amazingly, I got a lot of compliments.
Unfortunately, we didn't take pictures sooooo I drew one up!



Totally deserving of a super smiley face! :DDDDDDDD
I didn't have a gun. But I would've looked badass if I did. Ahahaa. NOT.

Anywho, I have a trip to Kaua'i tomorrow morning at six.
Shitty. Shitty. Shitty. I suppose.
I'm gonna miss out on a weekend with Ka'u, Shelby, and Kali.
But oh well, whoooo Nainoa, monk seals, and big gumball machines at Walmart!
Hearts, Hearts, Hearts.

In other news:

Meet Will!


He's cool because...


He made this monkey face at me just to make my day!
(: (: (:

Sweet Honey from the Rock

Today, I drew an angry face and sent people "you suck" IMs.
Such as:

T: wait
T: who is this
>=( : you suck at recognizing people.
T: I know you're britt
T: NEwwb
>=( : how would you know?!
T: she would do something like this
>=( : she must be a geek shit.
>=( : she prolly sucks too.
T: shes good at sucking.
T: if thats what you mean
>=( : you suck cos if i lived by you'd

only use me for sex.
>=( : cos you're perverted.
>=( : you suck at sucking.

And...

>=( : you don't suck.
>=( : but you're so nice sometimes, that i want to choke.
M: O_o
M: then i'd have to alpha ninja you o.o
M: only if you choke me lol xD
>=( : see.
>=( : you suck.
>=( : too nice.
M: lol its not like you can do anything to hurt me so why shouldn't i be nice$ O_o well there's always dishonoring me having no respect or shame stuff like that might put you on my off list =o
>=( : having no shame doesn't suck at all.
>=( : your grammar is off.
>=( : sucks.
>=( : i mean.
M: and your being a bitch? O-o is that what i should say?
>=( : hehe

I was rather unpleasant. =/
But, I did semi-apologize after and everything is all gee!
Check out my super happy face ----> :DDDDDDD

On a serious note:

7:30! Youth Service @ King's Cathedral.
Previous to this, I'd like to thank Dylan A. for inspiring me to go to and for saving me on the bus.
Long story short about the bus: We talked, I cried, I realized Dylan is living a good life, and I'm going to hell D:



Err... He's smiling cos the first step is allowing God into your heart and asking for forgiveness. Which I did. Next... TAKE ACTION!
He's also smiling because "Isn't it cool? When you go to Heaven you can tell God 'Hey! I got saved on a bus!'"
:D

7:30! Youth Service @ King's Cathedral.
The "Purity Series" is going on right now.
Honest to God, it's amazing. The people were friendly and I actually felt really welcomed. I cried several times. The message couldn't have been more relevant to my life. I've done a lot of bad sh_t in my life and I may be hypocritical for awhile, but at least this is a step forward. So he without sin cast the first stone! Like Dylan, I'm "excited to see me [you] grow in my [your] relationship with God."

<3

Poetry Slam!

I won a prize with this... (: (:

This is love
Like eternal spring
Life free fall, catch me
I'm your kind of thing
This is love
He told me
And I replied back with...

Yes
This is love

And I'm not losing it to
Weed
Alcohol with specks of gold in them
Coke
Or ecstasy

Ecstasy!
No, not like those kids sweating to non-existent music
Ecstasy,
No.
He's not rolling,
Rolling, rolling on the river
He's not a rolling stone
Not anymore
And neither am I
Because
This. is. Love.

I'm not losing it
To petty arguments
Petty mistakes
Petty people and their "say so's"
Please say it ain't so
We know so
We know the cure

This is true ecstasy
This is love
Divine like the bible says
But not divided like the Red Sea
And even when we are
They've got planes,
And trains,
And cars,
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Because I know
This is love

The kind that makes it through
Or at least tries to

November 30, 2009
For Gabe G.
For Ms. Haina
For a good grade in English

One day.

You are far be it from that burning sphere in the sky
But you shine brighter than anything I've ever seen


I'm going to tell the love of my life this! (:

Today.

Reasons why today is awesome:

-There's a party to go to.
-I aced my Japanese test.
-I got accepted into the college that I want to go to.
-I realized majority of the people that go to HPU are ugly. (The packet they sent me was proof, but I'm going to apply anyway!)
-"You are so pretty Brittney. I am not sure if you know how pretty you actually are."
Thanks David <3
-It's Friday!
-My mom just kissed me on the forehead.
-Mr. O'breezy told me he's not excited for his future cos I'll be leaving.
-I'm excited for my future.
-My sister is buying me new Nike's.
-The song "Best I Ever Had" actually made me feel happy today.
-I lost weight.

(: (: (:

Yeah.

I have a lot of dreams with people I see on my Facebook.

This disturbs me greatly.

From now on,

I'm going to sleep a little better.

Everything I Can't Say

Dear __________,

My better half loves you still. Wishes you the best. Wishes you will continue to live your life the way you please, without a care in the world, without another obstacle in your way. My better half hopes and prays that when this is all done, you'll think fondly of "our" past, of me. Then turn around and... never. look. back. (This half hopes that it can do the same).

My worse half disdains you for everything you are worth. Disdains you for the predicaments you put me in I put myself in because of you. For the "I love you's" and even worse for the reasons. Wishes you the worst, wishes it could decide whether to believe or reject everything you say. This half wishes that when this all over, you would just disappear.

I still can't decide what half could put up with being just a "good friend."
But just like you, I just want to get better.
I want to be the one that matters.
So when this is all over, I'm saying goodbye.

Sincerely,
Brittney Lahela Badayos